Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Working Conversations podcast, where we explore the future of work, communication, leadership, and everything in between. I'm your host, Dr. Janel Anderson.

Now, today, we're talking about something that's deceptively simple. So simple that it often gets overlooked, but it has the power to shift someone's day, to change the tone of a meeting or make a lasting impression. We're talking about small but meaningful gestures at work. So let me ask you, have you ever had someone say or do something so small, so quick that it could have gone unnoticed, but you noticed, stayed with you, maybe even changed how you showed up that day or that whole week? Might have been a quick compliment, a handwritten note, or an offer to help when things just felt overwhelming.

Well, these moments don't take long, but they carry weight. And today we're exploring why they matter so much, why we often don't do them, and how you can build more of them into your work life, starting right now.

Now, in the workplace, we tend to focus on big things. Promotions, performance reviews, project completions, bonuses, major wins. But neuroscientists tell us that there is something else that captures our interest. Our brains love the small stuff. We are wired to remember emotionally resonant moments and to remember them more than just big accomplishments. And that's especially true when those moments make us feel seen.

Now, small gestures at work, compliments, acknowledgments, offers to help. Well, they signal that we matter. They reinforce that we're valued, that we're respected, and that we are appreciated in essence, that we are seen. And that sense of value. That sense of value is a core component of employee engagement. It contributes to psychological safety. It builds belonging. It makes us want to bring our best to the table because we know that someone is new noticing.

Now, let me tell you about a story recently that really stuck with me. I was about to go on stage to give an opening keynote for a management conference, and one of the event organizers, in fact, the very person who was going to be introducing me, came over and we were chatting briefly before the event started. I was making sure she had the introduction that she was supposed to use. Anyway, we're just getting to know each other a little bit. Well, she glanced over at me and she said, that necklace is gorgeous. It really pops with your outfit.

Now, if you happen to be watching on YouTube, I am wearing the very necklace that I was wearing when she sent this to me. Now, it was a tiny moment, one of those offhand compliments. And I sometimes don't take those compliments the best. In fact, instead of quite graciously saying thank you, well, I do think I graciously said thank you. But then I added some sort of, like, a throwaway comment like, oh, it's just from a department store. It's nothing, you know, fancy or whatever. Now it has the matching earrings, which, again, if you're watching on YouTube, you can see the matching earrings that go along with this necklace.

And I was wearing both of these with a blue suit, my signature blue color. And that one tiny moment, that one compliment, it really made a difference. Now, I mean, obviously I was going to be seen by the whole management team, because I was going to be standing in front of them for 90 minutes, giving the opening keynote for their conference. But that moment when she noticed something personal about me, it made a difference. I thanked her, obviously, and that moment just really grounded me and connected me not only to her personally, but really to the event. It made a difference for me. Now, when I was done with that keynote and I was gathering up my things, she slipped me this card again. If you're watching on YouTube, I'm gonna hold the card up and oops, I had it upside down. I'm gonna hold the card up. It says, you are awesome with an exclamation point. And then under that, the fine print says, thank you for making a difference. Now, this side is just a stock card that says that on the back. She wrote me a personal message, and I'm gonna hold my finger over her phone number because she added her phone number. She wrote on the back of the card, I love your energy exclamation point. And then she wrote something about my necklace and using Google Image to find it online.

And then I went up and talked to her afterwards because I, like, accepted the card. I said, thank you so much. This really means a lot to me. And then she showed me she had taken a quick picture of my necklace and done Google Image on it. And she was able to find the necklace and the earrings for sale as a set on ebay and a couple of other places as well. So, you know, it didn't stop with a compliment. She went that extra step to take the picture of the necklace, to reverse search it on Google Images and, you know, and find the exact thing on ebay. I was floored.

And just that whole sequence of small gestures, the compliment, the note, the Google search, it made me not just feel seen as a speaker and appreciated as a speaker, but it made me feel seen as a person. And I mean, this was a couple weeks ago and I'm still talking about it. And I imagine I will be talking about that moment long into the future. So it's a moment that stayed with me long after the applause ended. And that's what small gestures can do. They can really stick with a person and make you feel noticed and valued and even for more than what you were asked to do. Because I did what I was asked to do. In fact, I think I gave them a very stimulating keynote that helped them in their business.

But what was more than that is not only I delivered on what I was supposed to do, but I made this personal connection with an audience member just on the basis of my necklace, and she made that connection with me and that was really, really meaningful. Now, I know not every gesture is going to involve jewelry and handwritten notes, so let's look at some other examples of ways that you can do this. Things that I've seen in the workplace that lean a little bit more traditional or are just more, you know, universal. So maybe a colleague notices that you've been grinding through a tough project and quietly drops off your favorite coffee without a word. Maybe someone sees you carrying a heavy box of equipment and they offer to take it for you. Or at a minimum, they get the door for you. Maybe a manager drops a slack message or a teams message that says, hey, that spreadsheet that you built for me? Super sharp. Thank you for making my job easier today.

Or a teammate volunteers to take the 5pm meeting with the international counterparts so that you can get to your kid's baseball game on time. Or someone just simply scribbles a post it note with a simple doodle and a like, hey, you've got this and hands it to you during a meeting or a super stressful day. None of these things take more than just a few seconds, but they land. They let people know that they're not invisible, that their effort is seen and appreciated by others. Now, you might agree with me that these gestures are easy to do, but why don't we do them more often? You hopefully also agree with me that they are not only easy, but impactful. So I've got three reasons why we just don't do them more often. We're too busy. You've heard me talk on this podcast about how we're in back to back meetings all day long, every day.

Our lists of to do items are packed, our calendars are packed, we're moving fast, we're heads down. There's always some new disruption that we're responding to. And some days, even those days when we're in the office, we're barely making eye contact with other people. So we're too busy. But again, these things don't take a lot of time. You can see where I'm headed with this. The other thing that we often do is we second guess ourselves. Will this go off weird? Is this too personal? Is it okay for me to compliment her on her necklace or ask him about his fishing trip? Is it too informal? I'm going to say, no, it's not.

And we need to have that level of personalness. We need to have that level of informality. And if it's coming from an authentic place, it's not going to come off as weird. It's just going to truly come off as a personal connection. The third reason that we don't do this very often is we underestimate the impact. We think about like all the big projects we have and all the big stuff that's going on and we assume it's no big deal that that person helped us with something or maybe needs a little extra help or that, you know, that that personal gesture that we might make towards them won't be remembered. Now, as you heard me talk about my example with my necklace, obviously it does get remembered. And I'm so glad that the person who wrote me that note and gave me the compliment about my necklace didn't second guess herself because it made a difference.

She maybe felt too busy. She had a lot on her plate that day. She was emcee for the whole event. She was introducing me, she had other things to move on to. She was also reconnecting with colleagues because this group of people doesn't come to the office daily. This was a group of people who were coming in for a special event. And so she might have felt too busy, but she took the time anyway.

Here's the truth. Most people are starving for this kind of affirmation and they remember it especially again, if you're in a distributed work environment, if you're in a hybrid work environment, if you're coming together just for an all hands on meeting or a leadership conference like this group was coming together for. So we're starving for this kind of attention and affirmation and acknowledgement. And we remember it. Not only does it brighten someone's day, it makes them want to show up and be stronger for the people around them and it makes them want to do the same to others. Because by all means, the fact that she noticed this about me and made this compliment towards me, makes me go like, I want to make people feel like that. I want to be the person who's giving the compliment, who's the person who gets remembered, whose small affirmation, that small comment sticks with them for a long time.

So how do you do this? How do you make this part of your work culture, whether that's your whole organization or. Or your team, whether you're a leader with a capital L leading from the top of the org chart, or whether you're a leader with a lowercase l.

And again, if you've heard me talk before, you know, I think everybody is a leader with a lowercase l. Wherever you sit on the org chart, you have the power to influence things in your organization. So you don't have to overhaul your whole style. You don't have to become somebody different in order to make gestures like this part of your actual authentic routine. Try this. Let me just give you a few tips. Act when you feel the impulse. When you see something, say something.

Now, it doesn't have to be seeing something that looks dangerous or threatening. Although, of course, if you see something, say something in those instances, too. But when you see something that captures your attention, your imagination, somebody's cool shoes or a new pair of glasses or, you know, just something that you notice about them, say something. Say something nice. Compliment them on it. Acknowledge it. So compliment up, down, and sideways. Don't just save your compliments for your subordinates or your clients.

Tell your manager that you notice their new glasses or their new haircut or the shirt they're wearing. You know, and again, it doesn't have to be about their appearance. It could just be after a meeting. You could say to your boss, you could say, hey, I saw you call out so and so for the good work they're doing. And I know that really made a difference to them. Thank you for noticing those things about people on our team. You don't even have to compliment them on something that they did to you or for you. You can compliment them. And in fact, I think it's probably even better when you compliment them on their behavior towards someone else. Another thing that you can do is you can normalize small appreciation moments, whether those are in meetings, in hallway conversations, or whatever. Especially if it is in a meeting. You might just say, hey, let's just take a moment and like, acknowledge the good work that somebody's doing on our team. Can we just have a moment for that? Nobody's going to say no to that. And then compliment somebody on something that they did, something that went above and beyond. You could also send an end of week note or a voice memo to somebody you know.

Hey, you really crushed it this week. I noticed you, you, you are doing excellent work. Thank you. And you don't have to use new tools for this. You can use the tools that you already have Slack, you can record a voice memo teams. If you can't record a voice memo because your organization hasn't set it up for that, you can just send a text message. On teams, if you're in person, use sticky notes, post it notes, drop a note by somebody's desk or invest. Probably don't cost much to get these cards that says you are awesome or whatever you want them to say on it.

And then on the back it's just blank and you're writing your own message. So use simple tools like that. It doesn't need to be fancy. Most importantly, model it for the people on your team, for the people around you. When others see you giving these small acknowledgments, they're more likely to do it themselves. Just like the person who gave me this card and complimented me on my necklace was, reminded me of what an important thing it is to include those small gestures in my day to day life. And that, my friends, is how we can make culture shift. Okay, so again, if you know me, you know I was a former professor, so I get to give homework.

Here is your assignment. Think of one small meaningful gesture that you could offer someone today that you could do or say to someone today. Maybe it's a compliment, maybe it's a quick note, maybe it's stepping in to help with a task that they're dreading or that they're struggling with. And then actually do it. You will probably make their day. And here's the kicker, you might make your day as well. Now, if this is challenging for you to remember to do this, what I want you to do for yourself is to schedule it. Write yourself a sticky note, a post it note, put it up on your workspace, or schedule it in your calendar.

Maybe you drop a recurring meeting for yourself for five minutes on Friday afternoons at 3 o' clock to say, hey, let me just take stock of what my team members did for me this week or where I saw them helping each other out. And let me just make a moment and let me just take a moment to acknowledge that. Now, if someone's done something, a good gesture for you recently, tell them it mattered. Let them know, because that in itself is a small gesture. That goes a long way towards them repeating that behavior, whether it's towards you or other team members or clients. Again, one of my favorite sayings, if you've heard me, you may have heard me say this before. If you've been around my work for any length of time, what gets acknowledged gets repeated. So if you acknowledge someone's acknowledgement of someone else, it is more likely that they are going to continue acknowledging other people in their work.

And again, that where the culture starts to shift and change when not just one person does it, but it becomes part of the fabric of your team. Now, if today's episode gave you a little nudge to reconnect with your co workers one tiny moment at a time, then please do me a favor. Share this episode with someone who could use a reminder. Or maybe even better, share it with somebody who regularly does this, who regularly acknowledges others, compliments others, goes above and beyond for others with these small gestures, sharing this with them to say, hey, I listened to this episode of this podcast and it reminded me of you because you do this. Ah, what a deep compliment it would be to them. It would be an absolute gesture of you, showing them how much they mean to you because you thought of them and the fact that they do this when you listen to this episode. So my friends, please share it. Share it with somebody who needs to hear it and share it with somebody who's already doing it as a way to acknowledge what they're doing now.

As always, if you learned something today listening to this podcast, please subscribe to my channel on YouTube and you can see the necklace. If you go over to YouTube and watch this on YouTube, it's YouTube.com/janelandersonphd. Subscribe to the podcast on your podcast platform of choice and follow me over on social media. These are all excellent ways for you to support me and my work and you'll find links to my social media over on the show notes page. That's @ janelanderson.com/221 for episode 221, which this is. All right, my friends, as always, stay curious, stay informed, stay ahead of the curve, and stay with it when you're acknowledging those little acts that other people are doing. Until next time, keep thriving, keep working toward the future of work that we all so want and deserve. Be well, my friends.